Going Native
by thewhitepatch
Summary: The Freelancers are divided up between the Reds and Blues.


_So this is something I had written up. The premise is what would happen if the Freelancers somehow wound up on Chorus. I'm not going to go into how or why they're there, because that seems like too much trouble. Rather, I'm just going to give you what the people want._

 _We join our team as they make a major decision..._

* * *

"This is the most important choice you will ever make in your lives." Sarge said to the group gather before him. "Now is when you decided if you are going to follow the correct way of life or if you are going to spend the rest of your lives a dirty Blue! Now make your choice!"

"...Is this really important?" CT asked, as she and the other Freelancers mingled in the group of lieutenants and medical experts. The Freelancers were a bit antsy about listening to the former simulation troops, while the lieutenants stood in obedient attention.

"It is to them." Wash replied. "It's basically just a rooming situation. They're still all on the same team."

"I don't get why we have to listen to a bunch of colors." South muttered, annoyed. "What do they have that we don't?"

"Well, I mean, they took out Freelancer, sis." North replied. "They know something. Wash and Carolina said so."

"I'm not vouching for their skill, South." Carolina clarified. "They have something Freelancer never figured out: teamwork."

"I would politely argue that we have a substantial amount of teamwork." Wyoming argued, with Florida nodding in agreement.

Epsilon flashed into existence. "Oh, really? Everybody raise their hand if they have killed or tried to kill a teammate." A majority of the Freelancer and Caboose raised their hands. "My point exactly."

"Fine." South grumbled.

"Now, seeing as there are fourteen of you, we are going to divide you into groups of seven." Simmons explained.

"Bullshit!" Tucker exclaimed. "Red Team already outnumbers us by two!"

"No we don't." Grif said.

"Actually, Tucker's right." Wash agreed. "Blue Team consists of Caboose, Tucker, and myself. Red Team has Sarge, Grif, Simmons, Donut, and Lopez."

"Lopez isn't a member of the team!" Grif exclaimed.

(Fuck you, too, fatass.) Lopez commented.

"You're right, Lopez! You have turned coat a few times." Donut commented.

"Actually, I would say that Lopez really proved himself." Wash admitted. "He really became a member of the team. He earned the respect of everyone in the Federation, myself included. Even Locus recognized him as one of us, even if he didn't think much of us to begin with."

(And nobody will hear that story, because of racism.) Lopez said.

"That's right, Lopez!" Donut said. "We really did help you! It was no problem!"

(You are literally my least favorite person here.)

"Anyway, I think it balances out." Grif said. "The only incompetent person on your team is Caboose, and even he has his badass moments."

(Why are the freelancers even here? We tried really hard to make sure they were all dead)

"We're all on the same team." Wash said. "Just let us take two extra to even it out."

"...If you think for one second I'll trust a dirty pack of blues-." Sarge complained.

"Fine!" Wash exclaimed. "Take your extra freelancers! See if I care!"

"Nice to see you have this whole leadership thing under control, Wash." York commented.

"You really aren't doing the past leaders of Blue team a service there, pal." Epsilon commented. Florida nodded in agreement.

"Alright, everyone!" Donut exclaimed " Both teams are going to give a reason why you should join our team, then you vote. Red team starts!"

"We won Blood Gulch." Grif said. "We're the originals, through and through."

"We aren't a complete group of bumbling idiots." Wash added. "Also, Blue Team already has the most Freelancers."

"You really seem invested in this, Wash." York commented.

"Well…" Wash said, somewhat embarrassed. "You kinda get caught up."

"I like it." York grinned.

"Alright!" Sarge exclaimed. "Who's our first recruit to Red Team?"

"Oh!" Jensen suddenly exclaimed. "Me! Me! I want to work alongside Captain Simmons!"

"O-Oh!" Simmons exclaimed. "Uh...That's...uh…"

"Hold on a second." Tucker said. "How about we just save some time and say the lieutenant can join their captains teams. How's that sound?"

"Super!" Jenson exclaimed.

"Whatever." Bitters commented. "I guess Grif could get away with being lazy on his team, so it can't be that bad."

"It would be the greatest honor in my life to work alongside Captain Caboose." Smith stated. "Words escape me when I-"

"Hell yeah I wanna be on Blue Team!" Palamo exclaimed. "That's where all the hot chicks are going!" He nodded at South. "Am I right, baby?"

"...If I join Red Team, do I get to shoot at that little shit?" South asked.

"It's encouraged!" Sarge exclaimed.

"Well, I'm Red then." South said.

"Woot! First Freelancer!" Donut exclaimed. "We can talk about girl stuff! And it will be the cool kind of girl stuff."

"...What are you, some kind of pansy?" South asked.

"Well, you guys know I'm in between teams, since I'm a pacifist and stuff." Doc said.

"You're Blue." Tucker said.

"You guys really want me?" Doc hopefully asked.

"Well, we don't want you, but you've already basically been on blue this entire time, so you might as well make it official." Washington said.

"Aww, but I kinda wanted Doc…" Donut sighed.

"NO!" The rest of the Reds exclaimed.

"I won't let you guys down!" Doc exclaimed.

(How did Doc get back?) Lopez asked, with nobody responding to him.

"Red." North said.

"Fuck you." South said.

"Fuck me however you want, I'm still going Red." North said. "I like them. They have their charm."

"Grif." Simmons said. "I think this guy's normal."

"Seriously?" Grif asked. "We have a competent, non-psychotic badass on the team?"

"The fact that you had to say that isn't encouraging." Bitters commented.

"What do you think Epsilon?" Carolina asked her AI.

"You know, just because Alpha was on Blue Team doesn't mean you have to." Epsilon said. "So if you really just want to join the dashing and daring Red Team..."

"Fine." Carolina said. "I'll be blue. It'll be easier than changing my armor."

Maine looked between the two groups.

He walked over to the Red group.

"Uh….Uh...Hi." Simmons said to the large, silent man.

"Simmons, he's going to eat me." Grif whispered. "He's going to eat me because I took his gun!"

"Hello, big guy!" Donut exclaimed, much to Grif and Simmons horror. "Welcome to Red Team! I know the others might be a bit intimidated by you, but I follow the belief that size doesn't matter!"

Maine growled at Donut.

It was a happy growl.

"Did Donut just tame the Meta?" Grif asked.

"It's not the Meta." Wash said. "That's Maine. I guess he like Donut."

"Well, since it seems to be the original hot spot for freelancers, I'm going to go with Blue Team." York said. "Besides, I should probably stick pretty close to the Church family." He winked at Carolina.

Epsilon appeared between the two Freelancers. "Yeah, I don't like you, so I'm gonna cockblock the shit out of you."

"But…" He looked up at Carolina hopefully. However, she was barely holding back a laugh. "...Crap."

"What about you, CT?" Wash asked

"I think I might go with Red Team." CT said. "Less people will want to kill me over there."

"Really?" Wash asked skeptically. Over CT's shoulder, South was vigorously flipping her off.

"Man, why are all the hot chicks going to Red Team?" Palamo exclaimed. "Is Captain Caboose scaring them off?"

"I fucking hate you, Palamo." Tucker muttered.

"How dare you speak like that to Captain Caboose!" Smith exclaimed. "He's been like the father I never had! He even explained the miracle of life to me!"

"All the girls I know are usually mean." Caboose said. "Maybe they'll like me more when they meet Freckles!"

"TARGETING ALL FEMALE TARGETS." Caboose's gun exclaimed, raising itself in Caboose's arms.

"No, you're not!" Wash exclaimed.

"AFFIRMATIVE." Freckles replied, lowering down.

"So we're just not going to talk about the fact that the stupid blue guy explained sex to the other blue guy?" North asked.

"Eh. Blue Team always has weird shit going on." Grif replied. "One of them gave birth once."

"...What the fuck." South said.

"Well, I don't want to separate from the team any more than I already have, so I'll just cozy on back into my old place at Blue Base." Florida said.

"...Flowers?!" Tucker exclaimed.

"Yeah. They sent Florida to watch over the Alpha. You...You didn't know that?" Wash asked.

"Fuck no!" Tucker exclaimed. "Dude! You were a freelancer the whole time?!"

"Yes." Florida exclaimed. "Can I just say how proud of you I am, Private- I mean, Captain? You've grown so much since I died, and you fill out that armor way better than I did! I'm proud to call you my grave robber."

"...You're the only surviving member of your team, too?" Palamo asked.

"Shut the fuck up, Palamo!" Tucker exclaimed.

"Well, I suppose this means that I'm joining the Red Team." Wyoming stated. "I suppose there's nothing to complain about. Red and Blue are both the same, after all."

"Why is everybody who tried to kill us coming onto Red Team?" Simmons asked.

"Because red is the sign of redemption!" Sarge replied. "Why, Lopez here's tried to kill us hundreds of times. Isn't that right, Lopez?"

(IF YOU CAN TELL THAT I'M TRYING TO KILL YOU, HOW MUCH SPANISH CAN YOU UNDERSTAND?!)

"That's right, Lopez!" Donut said. "Wyoming IS very-"

(WHATEVER YOU ARE ABOUT TO SAY IS NOT WHAT I SAID!)

"Ok, Lopez!" Donut exclaimed. "You do you!"

"I guess I'll go on Red Team!" Doctor Gray exclaimed. "It's a shame. I really wanted to look more into the AI."

"You'll have to buy me dinner first." Epsilon commented. "I can't eat food, so just fuck off."

"Simmons is a cyborg." Grif commented.

"Grif! Don't tell her that!" Simmons exclaimed. Gray was staring at him strangely, making him nervous. "All my extra parts went into Grif!"

"Don't throw me into this!" Grif exclaimed. "Meta was the Meta! Look into him!"

Maine growled at Grif.

"...I need to change my armor." Grif commented.

"Well, now that we've got all of this figured out…" Wash paused.

"What's up, Wash?" Tucker asked.

"I just realized that I'm in charge here." Wash commented.

"Yeah, we're going to have to change that." South commented. "Wash is a dumbass."

"I'm not a dumbass!" Wash exclaimed.

"You kind of are." York commented. "You got dragged by your balls through space."

"Wash never mentioned the space part!" Tucker exclaimed. "Let's trade Wash stories!"

"Please don't." Wash said.

"Tell them about the swirly straw!"

"Talk about the time with the cats!"

"Or the skateboard!"

"Or the time he shot a load into me!"

"Shut up, Donut!" Wash exclaimed. "You know what? I'm going to go run a weapons check! Have fun shoot the shit or whatever it is you guys do! Go native!"

"You did it first!" York shouted after him.

* * *

"Are you quite certain this is a good idea?" Doyle asked Kimball, as the two of them looked over a map of Chorus. One of the bases was marked as "Reds, Blues, and Other."

"It's the best option available to us." Kimball replied. "We suddenly wound up with a large group of Freelancers in our hands. That might sound like a tactical advantage, but the Freelancers aren't...exactly what I'd call stable right now."

"So we're putting them in an isolated base to cool them down?" Doyle asked.

"Sort of." Kimball replied. "Carolina and Washington are the only Freelancers we really know, and working with the Reds and Blues really helped them out. I just want to give these guys a canyon to adjust in. Maybe they could even come out as a better team. Besides, they aren't exactly isolated. They're right outside the city, and they'll still interact with the other soldiers and go on missions. I just think it would be best for them to stick together.

"...They could very well just kill each other." Doyle commented.

"Better they kill each other then the rest of our men." Kimball replied.

"Fair point."

* * *

 _I'm toying with some ideas in my mind, but let me know if there are any stories you want to see from this._


End file.
